Today an old friend of mine from my college band posted one of our jam videos on Facebook. There are times like these when something reminds me of everything good in the past, and I start wishing that I never had to grow up and move forward. Sometimes the idea of staying at one point when you’re really had so much fun and so little responsibility can be very enticing.
The funny thing is, that back in those days, I was wishing that I had a job and making my own money. I wasn’t really satisfied with just asking for money, I wanted my own money. Now, I’m right here with a job and making my own money. I have become more independent than I used to be back in those days yet here I am wishing that things stayed the way they used to be.
I feel like a child wishing for the summer vacation the the middle of the school year, while around the middle of summer you get bored and you wish classes would begin. I don’t know about you but at least that was how I was. I guess it’s just my nature to want what I can’t have. That’s the one of the hardest parts of being a human I think, that we will always want what we can’t have, while we often fail to appreciate the things that we already have.
Just looking at the past makes me think that my life was already perfect back then, but back then I always thought that I wanted something better. Another funny thing is that now that I have moved forward, I can never go back. I mean I could go back, but there’s a lot to lose now. It’s another one of the hard parts of being a human I guess. Making a step up is always easier to handle than having to step back down.
Sometimes I just can’t help but ask why life has so many contradictions, why being a human means living a life full of irony, why we keep wanting and wishing for more. Another big irony is that I might keep asking this same set of questions all my life, but I may only find the answer at the very end, or maybe even never. I just hope I do find the answer, even if it’s at my very last breath.
Whatever. Welcome to my volatile state of mind.